Coercive Control: The Silent Weapon of Abusers | Dr. Christine Cocchiola
B!tch Is A Bad Word: Getting Out of Domestic Abuse
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- 1:07:16
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- Website: caliber-studio.com/bitchisabadword
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In this powerful episode of B!tch is a Bad Word, host Lindsay sits down with Dr. Christine Cocchiola—researcher, advocate, and expert in coercive control—to expose the form of domestic abuse that leaves no bruises but devastates lives. Together, they unpack how coercive control erodes autonomy, uses children as weapons, and creates “death by a thousand paper cuts” for survivors.
Dr. Cocchiola shares insights from decades of research and lived experience, explaining why survivors often blame themselves, how abusers manipulate family court and parenting, and what protective parents can do to help their children heal. From understanding trauma bonds to recognizing reactive abuse, this conversation offers validation, clarity, and practical tools for anyone trapped in the cycle of psychological control.
About Dr. Christine Cocchiola:
Dr. Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Educator, Researcher & Survivor. She is a college professor teaching social work for the last 20 years and a social justice advocate for a local domestic violence agency, since the age of 19. Her expertise is in the areas of coercive control and the traumatic experiences of adult and child victims, diligently supporting these vulnerable populations. Dr. C., a Founding Member of the International Coercive Control Conference and a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, has supported codifying coercive control, writing numerous policy briefs supporting these efforts.
Guest Information:
Website - https://coercivecontrolconsulting.com/
Instagram - @dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol
Twitter - @coercivecontrol
If you’ve ever questioned whether words, manipulation, and control “count” as abuse, this episode is your answer. You’re not crazy—and you’re not alone.
If you or someone you know needs immediate help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
This episode is for anyone who has asked:
- signs of a controlling relationship
- how to know if my relationship is abusive
- emotional abuse in relationships
- when love feels like control
- why does my partner put me down
- gaslighting and manipulation in relationships
- trauma bonding explained
- am I the problem in my relationship
- co-parenting with a toxic ex
- raising kids with an abusive partner
- why leaving an abuser is so hard
- what is coercive control in relationships (paired with plain terms)
- feeling broken but no bruises
- how to heal from an abusive relationship
- my partner calls me names — is it abuse?
#ToxicRelationship
#SignsOfAbuse
#EmotionalAbuse
#Gaslighting
#LeavingAnAbuser
#AbuseSurvivor
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#RelationshipRedFlags
#TraumaBonding
#YouAreNotAlone
#HealingJourney
#LifeAfterAbuse
#ControlIsAbuse
#ProtectiveParent
#BreakingFree
STAY UPDATED & SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER:
https://www.caliber-studio.com/bitch-is-a-bad-word-with-l…
Connect with Us:
📧 Email: [email protected]
📱 Call or Text: (331) BITCHES
📸 Instagram: @bitchisabadwordpod
🎵 TikTok: @bitchisabadword
LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE:
- Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bitch-is-a-bad-word/id1780948251
- Spotify Podcasts: open.spotify.com/show/3frZ12xmxKo0lCa8eIGCDD
- Website: caliber-studio.com/bitchisabadword
-----
In this powerful episode of B!tch is a Bad Word, host Lindsay sits down with Dr. Christine Cocchiola—researcher, advocate, and expert in coercive control—to expose the form of domestic abuse that leaves no bruises but devastates lives. Together, they unpack how coercive control erodes autonomy, uses children as weapons, and creates “death by a thousand paper cuts” for survivors.
Dr. Cocchiola shares insights from decades of research and lived experience, explaining why survivors often blame themselves, how abusers manipulate family court and parenting, and what protective parents can do to help their children heal. From understanding trauma bonds to recognizing reactive abuse, this conversation offers validation, clarity, and practical tools for anyone trapped in the cycle of psychological control.
About Dr. Christine Cocchiola:
Dr. Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Educator, Researcher & Survivor. She is a college professor teaching social work for the last 20 years and a social justice advocate for a local domestic violence agency, since the age of 19. Her expertise is in the areas of coercive control and the traumatic experiences of adult and child victims, diligently supporting these vulnerable populations. Dr. C., a Founding Member of the International Coercive Control Conference and a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, has supported codifying coercive control, writing numerous policy briefs supporting these efforts.
Guest Information:
Website - https://coercivecontrolconsulting.com/
Instagram - @dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol
Twitter - @coercivecontrol
If you’ve ever questioned whether words, manipulation, and control “count” as abuse, this episode is your answer. You’re not crazy—and you’re not alone.
If you or someone you know needs immediate help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
This episode is for anyone who has asked:
- signs of a controlling relationship
- how to know if my relationship is abusive
- emotional abuse in relationships
- when love feels like control
- why does my partner put me down
- gaslighting and manipulation in relationships
- trauma bonding explained
- am I the problem in my relationship
- co-parenting with a toxic ex
- raising kids with an abusive partner
- why leaving an abuser is so hard
- what is coercive control in relationships (paired with plain terms)
- feeling broken but no bruises
- how to heal from an abusive relationship
- my partner calls me names — is it abuse?
#ToxicRelationship
#SignsOfAbuse
#EmotionalAbuse
#Gaslighting
#LeavingAnAbuser
#AbuseSurvivor
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#RelationshipRedFlags
#TraumaBonding
#YouAreNotAlone
#HealingJourney
#LifeAfterAbuse
#ControlIsAbuse
#ProtectiveParent
#BreakingFree
@cristinagabrielidis2811
I'm a child abuse attorney, mother and former target of DV and narcissistic abuse. Thank you for emphasizing that what is termed "reactive abuse" is actually self-defense. The responsibility for the abusive dynamic should not be shared by the target of the pattern of abuse. And thank you for saying to leave at the first red flag! If a red card gets you ejected from a soccer game, we must treat our relationships with as much consideration.
22 likes
@boomshankaneil
The education system needs to watch this
15 likes
@ElishebaDawn
Just realized my female friend has been doing this to me when she said I'm entrapped by a male friend that is using coercive control to manipulate me. Then calls me and alcoholic with alcoholism as why I am so sick and can't work. Then offers me a beer. I went home and researching the crap out of this and realize SHE is the abuser. And I June had dreams of falling in quicksand and getting angry at her but didn't understand why until this morning. Wow.
4 likes
@janeylynn5934
Not all coercive control happens in the context of marriage. I’ve had to live with my controlling/narcissistic parents my entire adult life, due to chronic health issues and the inability to earn enough money to get out.
16 likes
@TheTower73
I’m a male victim of what I would describe as a Holy Narcissist who operated with an excellent facade. You make an excellent point about the pattern of abuse. It doesn’t have to be daily, sometimes a couple of weeks can go by before they say something hurtful. What I learnt is this, not all narcissists are the same, some have more control over their ignited fury, some display more of a cold fury, it can depend on what else is going on in their fuel matrix. It can also depend on how much under control the victim is too ( compelled compliance ) Enjoyed the video 👍
11 likes
@mariamastrodicasa5712
My attorney knew all the events and said to me, well it’s not like you have broken bones. I reported him. My book became number one (#1) Best Seller on Amazon in Domestic Violence Partnership. (Book is : “You’ll Never” The Journey to What Is Possible Through Self-Advocacy.
3 likes
@iw9338
The cycle of abuse 😔 its mind boggling 🤬😲🤔💭
1 likes
@honourthymother958
I watched Andrew Tate say on camera that his 5 yr old son has to sit with just a cup of water for 5 hours or more & not move because he has the fear of Andrew’s wrath. This child had no books or games. It was very sad to me. This poor child has to deal with this
3 likes
@MsTaylorsArt
I have so many things to comment about this. I truly wish that more awareness was created about this topic.Society doesn't seem to understand this sort of abuse but it's 100% real. I had brain surgery in 2003 for epilepsy which only made it easier for my parents to abuse me. Most of that abuse came later though because I was pretty much a "Daddys girl" Sadly, even though my mother knew full well the way my father is, she did nothing. He learned how he is from his parents who treated him much worse but to me that is no excuse. At times, my mother joined in. As you all said the brain keeps getting traumatised when in this sort of situation. It's AWFUL! It makes society etc. question me, my having had brain surgery only gives people ammunition. It's even made ME question myself.I have years of experience but have been made to forget that at times. What I have learned comes back rather fast though. I don't even have a full brain and they use that to control me. It's sick! You can seriously take an x-ray of my brain and see the part of it that is missing. I had to relearn to eat, talk, walk, etc., I've had seizures sooo bad that I came very close to death and I'll be 100% honest THIS sort of abuse is worse than death itself. Although, I'd rather be dead than be controlled like this, I know that I have alot to give the world in art so I keep going for that reason. Maybe I was put in the artworld for a reason because even though it's been hard and some are not what they seem, art has saved my life. I can't say that I understand how I am treated because any dr. can look at my medical records and see that enough of my life has been taken. Why do I deserve to suffer even more? I know that sounds dramatic but I truly believe that having to live this way truly IS worse. I'd rather have a seizure that causes bruises, breaks bones, etc. than to be stuck in the situation I am in. I fake a smile though and try to act happy because what can I do? I've had multiple EXTREMELY PAINFUL and TERRIBLE things happen to me. I would come home crying after school when I was in high school. Only some days I would have to either go to Choir rehearsal or rehearsals for musicals as well. I don't think some would even think everything I've been through is real due to how awful, etc. they are. It's like living in a horror movie. Doctors here in Sav. Ga. don't seem educated enough on this subject to let little kids who are growing up know that they aren't alone. If they were educated on this subject I wouldn't be living here because I'd leave in a heartbeat! I used to think Ga. was beautiful and the perfect place. Today I still think parts of it are beautiful but not everywhere is. Some areas are like living hell. As long as I knew that I could live properly I would move from here.I've also been blacklisted so have to go out of town to see a Neurologist and the only way of traveling I have at the moment is my father. I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable around him. At least I'm an adult though but what about the kids here? Why are there no drs here who can help the kids today? Why is the put on international drs who can truly only do so much? Ga. is not as humane as I once thought it was or it'd at least help the kids here. Anyway, it's good to see that someone understands.
4 likes
@CuriosityLane1
The power thing has nothing to do with money or status. This husband that I’m trying to get rid of currently has no money or no status no friends no nothing but he thinks he can control my life. I own the house. His name is not on it, but he wants complete control.
3 likes
@sunshinedayz2172
Love the sign behind you..
2 likes
@LisaZ-Mom-of-3
YOU'RE AWESOME!!!! THANK YOU!
@boomshankaneil
The abuser is jelly o f them and denying it.
3 likes
@boomshankaneil
❤👀💘🫀straight up through my heart
@Andreya_CA_US
I'm brand new to your channel & I subscribed w/ the bell. I appreciate what you're doing.❤
1 likes
@deenamarley893
You asked the age children no longer serve their purpose. My dad told me: I was 7. Because I "had a smart mouth."
3 likes
@boomshankaneil
Big time love❤️🩹
1 likes
@adventuresoftuffnstuff
It took me four years to figure it out. Another eight to do something about it.
@juliedesmarais6196
Oh my gosh. The camera!!! 😮 I didn't know it was a thing for others too...
@angelausa3269
The first time I left my infant son for a few hours, so my husband an I could go to dinner .. when we got back and picked him up .. I was holding him up and looking at him lovingly because I had missed him .. My husband said to me. “ what do you wanna FK him or what”🤯
3 likes