Why men are fed up with dating advice
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@NathanSmutz
The “don’t worry about compatibility” bit reminds me a little of the “marriage isn’t for happiness” line people throw when they can’t help somebody.
One of man’s strongest drives and deepest longing for human love is held hostage to the second biggest and dangerous commitment he can make; and everybody tells him to be ok with the bait-and-switch.
11 likes
@DragonKlawXL
Did not realize this was posted today... this is what I needed to hear recently. Im a junior in college, still single but met a freshman girl im growing to like and she checks everything I'd look for in a girl. I have friends who would tell me I should lessen what I look for, my wants seem too strict, but those "strict" things I wanted all apply to her, no being more open, just a seemingly perfect fit.
I think because im hesitant in things I have asked God if he could show me if she's someone I should date, but its also felt like im just trying to hide when I ask that.
12 likes
@erlendgars
24 years old about to turn 25 and I go in the direction of not really caring anymore, after being single all my life. I will be happy if I find someone, but focusing too much about dating and not finding anyone is a mind trap for misery. You start stressing about the time you are given on this earth and I should get married before you turn 28 years old or whatever. I see that those deadlines are not really turning out so might as well focusing on something else. Dating feels like a job interview and are mostly a waste of time. It is not supposed to be a hobby either. I am meeting new people all the time so maybe it leads to something, Deo volente
11 likes
@joshualopez1359
I hate how some Cristian say if it God's will it will happen. we have free will to get in a relationship .Who wants to be single all there lives most men don't. And most people who say that are married.
9 likes
@evano7
Good video! I think most of these pieces of advice can actually be good, it just heavily depends on the definition and intent behind it, since a lot of these statements are pretty vague on their own.
For example the first statement, “just wait!!” is good if it means you should work on yourself, and not center your self worth on your relationship status.
I think you do a great job of breaking it down!
6 likes
@johnpapp5945
I had a high school history teacher give joking advice that you should have a second girlfriend like a spare tire so when one relationship goes south you have a back up
4 likes
@nick49556
Great video, I agree with all that you have said. However, I do think that there is a group of people who begin to date in high school or early college. While I agree that dating should not be a long period of time, some of us do not have the opportunity to get married quickly. A lot of times being full time college students and working part time is extremely difficult. For two young people who are not full time, it is unwise to try and rush marriage when neither spouse has a full-time income that can support them both. It is a lot easier to get married when either one or both spouses has a career to support them both. But I am open to any refute or advice. Love your stuff brother!
4 likes
@Kaiproductions-tl6ox
"What star sign are you" red flag!!!!!!
1 likes
@Divine_Mode
In my mid 30’s and honestly… I’m tired man
1 likes
@andersmeilicke2478
This was so good, all great points and bad advice that I’ve frequently heard
@donphonix128
I am nowhere near getting married, or even dating this woman, but I have a suspicion that God might do a work here and make a way after nearly two months of encouraging interactions. And it has been happening just like Isaac said it doesn't for the vast majority of people--a weird connection at a store, albeit the one we work at. People will think I am crazy when they hear the full story, and brothers and sisters in Christ especially, but against all hope I think it might just work out.
Edit: I just got to the date for a couple of years thing. I don't think any amount of time can be prescribed to be sufficient for you to marry someone. I once talked to a girl for a week and thought she was the one before she broke it off as I was super premature and immature. Now I expect to not be in a position to propose for the next couple years. It's just situation dependent.
5 likes
@AlexVarela-i4w
First to watch and comment! Love your vids bro, very helpful. Thanks to God as well🙏🏼 have a blessed day brother!
3 likes
@ivvm1fg
10:15 ok to have options open when just getting yo know people
2 likes
@GuardianTactician
Some people will give advice such as "Marry someone like this" or "Marry someone who has this trait". While it might be helpful to take into consideration, there are many different things to consider than the one listed. If that is the sole criteria being used to judge a potential spouse, then many people who could be potential matches are overlooked, and the few who meet the single criteria have their shortcomings ignored. It is obvious when the one trait being discussed is beauty. Less obvious, but still important when the one trait being discussed is communication skills, patience, a sense of humor, ambition, service, joy, financial stability, or being respected.
Ideally, an individual would look to be as well rounded as they can with all of these traits, and look for someone who is also well rounded. Instead of focused on one trait to the detriment of all others.
@nighredemption
I don't know what else to do. I go to church but there no one there my age. No body!!!!! Put myself out there.... where!?!?!?! I've gone down the dating apps route and gave up. I've been praying for years and just feel like God has completely left me out.
@ct7567CaptRex
And here is me, who has given up on finding my future wife completley, for several reasons
A) almost none of them are virgins anymore and thats an absolute dealbreaker for me since i waited and i cannot accept anything else
B) all the women i asked said no so i must be inherently unattractive
C) i actually believe that the Idea that i HAVE to make the first move and HAVE TO BE the persuing party is unbiblical and plainly spoken heresy (yes, i mean it. Heresy). I therefore refuse to follow that premisse.
2 likes
@TheNewAdams
I just want to say to all the men out here that think they will never find a Godly woman and have given up hope... dont! Keep pursuing the Lord and dont give up. Im almost 20 which I get is older than some of yall and younger than some of yall but I honestly had begun to think that something was wrong with me because it seemed that no one I was ever interested in liked me back. The only times I got anything back was from females was really them just using me as an for attention. But the Lord works in mysterious ways. I got back from my army activation to find that the coffee shop I was managing was no more. But long story short I got a job at another coffee shop and met my now girlfriend, she is exactly what I have been praying for for so long. Its funny because she made the first move and im glad she did to say the least. We've been dating for just over a month and I thank the Lord everyday. Keep yalls head up, every day is a new day!
1 likes
@rogerdsmith
I don’t have any particular criticism about what you’re saying. I do believe that you’re starting several steps away from where you should be starting.
Things are at a crisis point in the body of Christ, and very few see this.
For those that teach true devotion to God, which is fundamental to our walk with Christ, the admonishment is to completely surrender and possibly even destroy, everything inside of us, so that we truly are laying our life down for Christ.
Genuine Christians do want to live a life surrendered to God. This is fundamental.
But what is a well-intentioned admonishment to live for Christ, morphs into a dogma that it is fundamentally wrong that we have any personal interest, in anything at all.
In the hearing years of true devoted Christians, this dogma mutates into an emphasis, that we are to have no interest in anything at all. Ever………
As a result, many sincere believing Christians, especially Christian men, seemingly disembowel themselves, thinking that this is what Christ requires.
I can tell you from personal experience, that when taken as literal advice, such as I took it years ago, the effects of this are horrifying.
This has to be corrected, so that men have any clue at all, that it might be acceptable to pursue an education and career preparation.
As it is, there are multiple generations of sincere believing Christians, again, especially sincere, believing Christian men, that have become nothing except a shell or a husk of the man that God put them on the Earth to be.
What father of a Christian girl wants their daughter to become attached to a man that has no passion in life? These men become castaways.
I don’t know that you can give your advice about seeking a girl, until this issue is handled first.
You might be shocked to know the emerging statistics about the suicide rates among older Christian men in the body of Christ. It has reached crisis proportions. You won’t find anyone in ministry that’s paying the slightest bit of attention to this.
Beyond this, if you’re paying any attention at all, most Christian men don’t really marry the girl they most want to marry. They marry the girl that doesn’t reject them. As much as girls talk about the fact that they don’t want to “settle” for a man they don’t truly desire, men are settling for girls they don’t desire, simply because those girls don’t reject them.
This is the reality. Pay attention to this.
4 likes
@robinconnelly6079
All this is really good
Except No 2. You are simply wrong. 7 months is too short. That is the amount of time for the honeymoon phase to wear off and the difficult stuff to start surfacing. It's not flippant to just "hang out and enjoy the moment". It's part of the natural process. Love blossoms and grows. Its not a microwave thing. "4 seasons"? What's wrong with that? great advice. My parents met, dated, and married in 2 years. They had a wonderful marriage. Most sensible people take that long. Fools rush in.
In theory, you can speed up the process by "dealing with the tough questions" up front but you can also snuff the flame. Personally, I would feel very pressured. And I think lots of women would feel "pummeled". It's very intense. And why the impatience? A year is not long. More than 2 years, I would start raising eyebrows, but that period is perfectly fine. I really don't understand why so many Christians are doing this. Its popular these days for some reason. And it's foolishness.
You need to stop downplaying phrases like "you've got to get to know the person properly". No. YOU'VE GOT TO GET TO KNOW THE PERSON PROPERLY. Don't just let it go in one ear and out the other. You are fixated on this and you are going to create divorces.
Something to seriously think about
1 likes
@karlbarrett5891
Your last point “don’t keep your options open” cannot be directed at your every day guy who has no options in the first place. It can only be directed at the chads/tyrones who have multiple options. But they won’t listen cause why would they. So kinda pointless advice right there
2 likes